Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: How to Help

Raising grandchildren isn’t something most people ever anticipate for their family until it becomes their reality. Picture your mom calling on a Tuesday night, instead of her typical report on the garden, you hear her sound weary. She’s been dropping off your niece at school, helping with homework, preparing dinner, and tucking her into bed. What began as “just a handful of weeks” has now ballooned into months, and your parent is now raising your grandchild full-time.

This is more common than you may think. Per the U.S. Census Bureau, more than 2.5 million U.S. children live in homes headed by grandparents who serve as the primary caregiver. Known as grandfamilies, these families act as a safety net for kids who cannot be taken care of by their parents.

If your aging parent has stepped into this role, you are probably wondering how to help without overstepping. We’ll cover how you can support your parent, the resources available for grandfamilies, and how to care for yourself in the process.

Why Grandparents End Up Raising Grandchildren

Knowing why grandparents may have taken this step can help you respond with compassion rather than judgment. A grandparent can take on the parenting role for a multitude of reasons, and many of them are complicated.

Substance use disorders are one of the leading causes. The ongoing opioid and fentanyl crises have left millions of children without a stable parent, and grandparents often step in before child protective services get involved.

Other common reasons include:

• Parental incarceration — roughly 2.7 million children in the US have an incarcerated parent
• Mental health crises — a parent dealing with severe depression, bipolar disorder, or other conditions may not be in a place to provide consistent care
• Military deployment — extended or repeated deployments can leave children needing a primary caregiver at home
• Death of a parent — sudden loss leaves grandparents as the most natural option
• Divorce or family instability — custody disputes or unsafe home environments can push children toward grandparent care
• Financial hardship — young parents who cannot afford housing or childcare may turn to their own parents

Whatever the reason, it is not one your parent likely anticipated. They may love their grandchild deeply while also grieving the retirement they had imagined.

Signs Your Grandparent Caregiver Needs More Support

Grandparent caregivers often downplay how much they are struggling. Be on the lookout for these warning signs during your calls and visits:

• Physical exhaustion — they seem more tired than usual, complain of new aches and pains, or have stopped exercising
• Social withdrawal — they’ve given up hobbies, stopped seeing friends, or skip their own doctor appointments
• Financial strain — subtle comments about money, cutting back on groceries, or putting off home repairs
• Emotional shifts — increased irritability, tearfulness, or expressions of guilt and resentment
• Declining health — juggling a child’s schedule while dealing with their own chronic conditions

If you spot any of these signs, it’s a cue to step in. And if you are not sure whether your aging parent needs help at home, that guide can help you figure out what to look for.

7 Practical Ways to Support Your Parent

1. Show Up Regularly, Not Just in Emergencies

The best support you can provide is consistency. A weekly phone call, a regular Saturday visit, or a monthly care package tells your parent they are not alone. Predictable support matters more than dramatic gestures.

2. Offer Specific Help Instead of “Let Me Know If You Need Anything”

Vague offers are easy to brush off. Instead, try:

• “I’m heading to the grocery store Saturday. What do you need?”
• “Can I take her to soccer practice on Thursdays?”
• “I opened a college savings account for her. Here are the details.”

Being specific takes away the burden of asking for help, which many grandparents find difficult.

3. Help Navigate Legal and Custody Issues

Many grandparent caregivers don’t have formal legal custody, which makes it difficult to handle school enrollment, medical consent forms, or access certain benefits. You can help your parent by:

• Researching their state’s rules around guardianship, custody, or power of attorney
• Finding a family law attorney who has experience with kinship care families
• Collecting the documents they will need (birth certificates, immunization records, school transcripts)

The AARP GrandFamilies Guide contains legal resources broken down by state.

4. Research Financial Assistance Programs

Raising a child on a fixed income can feel overwhelming. Depending on the situation, your parent may be eligible for:

• TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) — cash assistance available in all 50 states
• Medicaid and CHIP — health insurance coverage for the grandchild
• SNAP benefits — food assistance (formerly known as food stamps)
• Kinship Navigator Programs — state-level programs that connect grandfamilies to local resources
• Social Security benefits — if the grandchild’s parent is deceased, disabled, or retired

Generations United maintains a comprehensive database of state-specific resources for grandfamilies.

5. Connect Them to a Support Group

Grandparents raising grandchildren can feel incredibly isolated. Their contemporaries are traveling and enjoying retirement while they are packing school lunches. A support group puts them in a room with people who understand their unique experience.

Your parent can find local grandparent caregiver support groups through:

• Their local Area Agency on Aging (find yours at eldercare.acl.gov)
• The Administration for Community Living’s grandfamily resources
• Local churches, community centers, and hospitals

6. Help with the Day-to-Day Parenting Learning Curve

Parenting looks different now than when your parent raised you. School systems use online portals, kids have social media accounts at younger ages, and discipline philosophies have changed. Help your parent bridge that gap:

• Set up and walk them through the school’s parent portal
• Discuss current screen time guidelines and help install parental controls
• Share age-appropriate activity ideas so they don’t run out of steam

If technology is a barrier, our guide on how to help elderly parents with technology covers the basics of patient tech support.

7. Give Your Parent a Break

Respite care isn’t a luxury — it’s a necessity. Offer to take your niece or nephew for a weekend, chip in for a babysitter, or coordinate with other family members to create a rotating schedule.

Even a few hours of uninterrupted rest can make a meaningful difference in your parent’s physical and mental health.

How to Share the Load with Siblings

Once a grandparent has stepped up to parent their grandchild, everyone else in the family needs to adjust. If you have siblings, having an honest conversation about shared responsibilities is critical.

Start with a family meeting — not an accusation. Frame it around supporting your parent, not assigning blame for the situation that led here. Then divide up responsibilities based on each person’s strengths:

• The nearby sibling handles school pickups and weekend visits
• The organized sibling manages legal paperwork and benefits applications
• The long-distance sibling contributes financially or handles research and phone calls
• Everyone commits to regular check-ins with the grandparent

This mirrors the approach in our guide on how to split caregiving responsibilities with siblings, and you should apply the same principles here.

If you are already juggling your own children and your parent’s needs, you are not imagining it — you are part of the sandwich generation. Recognizing that reality is the first step to managing it without burning out.

Keeping the Whole Family Connected

When a grandparent becomes the primary caregiver, it’s easy for the broader family to lose touch. The grandchild may feel disconnected from cousins, aunts, and uncles. The grandparent may feel like their world has shrunk to school runs and bedtimes.

Small, consistent touchpoints help. A monthly family newsletter mailed to the house can remind both the grandparent and grandchild that they are part of something bigger. Services like Hug Letters print and mail a family newspaper each month, which is especially meaningful for grandparents who don’t use social media.

Other ways to keep the family bond strong:

• Schedule regular video calls between cousins
• Send photos and updates by mail, not just text
• Plan one annual family gathering where the grandparent doesn’t have to host or organize
• Include the grandchild in family traditions and holiday celebrations

Taking Care of Yourself in All of This

Supporting a parent who is raising a grandchild is emotionally complex. You may feel guilt that you cannot do more, grief over your sibling’s situation, or frustration that your parent’s golden years look nothing like what you pictured for them.

Those feelings are perfectly reasonable. They are also manageable with the right support:

• Talk to someone — a therapist, a friend, or a caregiver support group
• Set boundaries — you can help without becoming a second primary caregiver
• Accept imperfection — your parent is doing their best, and so are you

If your parent resists accepting help, you are not alone. Many aging parents do. Our guide on what to do when elderly parents refuse help offers conversation strategies that work.

Frequently Asked Questions

How many grandparents are raising grandchildren in the US?

The U.S. Census Bureau reports that approximately 2.5 million grandparents across the country serve as primary caregiver for one or more grandchildren living in their household. About 39% of those grandparents have been caring for their grandchildren for five or more years. The number has grown steadily as a result of the opioid crisis, rising incarceration rates, and economic instability.

What financial help is available for grandparents raising grandchildren?

Grandparent caregivers may qualify for TANF cash assistance, SNAP food benefits, Medicaid or CHIP for the grandchild, and subsidized childcare programs. Some states also provide kinship care stipends that pay monthly to relative caregivers. The AARP GrandFamilies Guide has a state-by-state breakdown of available programs.

How do I talk to my parent about getting more support?

Lead with appreciation, not criticism. Start by acknowledging what they are doing: “I can see how much you’re giving, and I want to help.” Avoid phrases like “you need to” or “you should,” which can feel patronizing. Offer concrete next steps rather than abstract advice, and be patient — most grandparents need time to accept that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

What is kinship care and how is it different from foster care?

Kinship care is when a relative, usually a grandparent, raises a child instead of an unrelated foster family. It can be informal (no court involvement) or formal (through the child welfare system). Research shows that children in kinship care tend to have better outcomes than those in non-relative foster care, including greater placement stability, fewer behavioral problems, and stronger connections to their family and culture.

Moving Forward Together

Your parent never planned to raise another generation. But they stepped up because they love their grandchild, and that decision deserves every bit of support your family can provide.

Start with one thing from this guide — one phone call, one resource link, one offer to babysit. Consistent, small actions add up to the kind of support that keeps a grandfamily strong.

The situation is hard. But with the right help, your parent doesn’t have to do it alone.